Hotel or not to be......

My oldest friend from the RAF text me this morning wondering if I could get away, for a night in a hotel? After replying,"what and leave my kids in the hands of a potential abuser whilst I lay my fat flab on a hotel bed for you, NO WAY" he explained it would just be as mates for me to chill. But I wouldn't chill because I would miss my kids and I wouldn't be able to drink, so the whole thing would be a waste of time, and besides, I know that he was hoping I would do more than chill. Which I am just not ready for yet, or ever! It's been nearly a year now without a man, something my family must be suprised of, after leaping from one unsuccessful relationship to another for the last 15 years. I myself never imagined I'd be happier single, but I am, but I can see how easy it would be to never have sex again, once it's been so long, I don't think I could do it now. Anyway, I told him no, and secretly I imagined how it would have been, but it just seems leagues away from how I do things now. I've turned into a boring, not exciting person who my old friends would barely recognise, but hasn't it made me a better person, and a better role model for my kids? Even if it has made my confidence plummet... I think I need to get out more but what's the point with no inclination to flirt or no alcohol?